Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
Saying Goodbye
The husband is self-employed and had a good business going until the pandemic started last year. In March of 2020, he had to shut down operations and did so for six months. In September, he reopened but sales were not the same. But he still managed to make a living and earn enough for himself and us. We even got to tie the knot in the same year. But by June of 2021, we had to close again and finally after a few months of no business, he decided to fully give up the space. The property is not ours so rent expense was a major consideration. Although we had a good lessor, making rent was still a problem and essentially, he was just breaking even since he reopened. We already had a discounted rate upon reopening but with client uncertainty, it would be such a gamble to keep going.
The decision to close was not easy but he had been prepping himself to do so early this year. The rising cases of Covid in our locality just brought that to a head and he knew he had to cut his losses now. I am supporting his decision and I have always tried to help him in whatever ways that I can. Thankfully, he still has money coming in despite our closure. I know he is more saddened than he lets on but I’m grateful that he has finally accepted the reality.
He will be transferring to our property so rent will no longer be an issue. Although it is not such an ideal location as it is away from the city center, it will have to do because of the times. He has also taken to doing home service for select clients so he is not without income or stuff to do. He is very much unlike me who would be content to stay home the whole day. He goes stir crazy if you don’t give him something to do thus this has been his “job” for the last month.
Bureaucracy has kept him from transferring all the fixtures and equipment since he has not gottent he building permit on our property yet. It’s been two months without any approval in sight. Our lessor has been truly understanding and has not pressured us to vacate the premises. He is just waiting for our go signal and for that we are thankful.
I sometimes feel a twinge when I pass by the building. I have slept there many times, cleaned and closed up, fought and made up with the husband, celebrated anniversaries along with so many great memories in the six years we were there. But I guess nothing lasts forever and saying goodbye is inevitable. I am looking forward to what is to come in the future. Despite what they say, there is always something good in goodbye.
Out and About
I hardly go out because of Covid. I mean I wasn’t really much for going out, save for the husband and work and business. But now, it has dwindled to probably 5-10%. Recently, the hubby would fetch me in the afternoons to grab a bite to eat (takeaway, of course) and ride around in his motorcyle. Otherwise, I’d just hie off to my mom’s house at around 5 and watch CSI on television. I’m fine not seeing anyone and even manage to stretch our groceries and food so I can go shopping to every two weeks instead of weekly.
Today, I needed go to the bank but it was closed and I went to all four branches. Well, technically, I just passed by because what would be the point of going down? Then I went to the pharmacy for the big boy’s vitamins and went home. When I arrived, I asked the big boy if he wanted to go out with our dog to the boulevard. Since it’s been a couple of months since we went due to lockdowns, he said why not?
So we walked about a kilometer or so to get to this spot. This is a longer stretch now because of a new reclamation. We came from the parking near the pier which you can barely see at the right side to here.
I got the big boy pose for a photo and he agreed because I said he could keep his mask on. Teenagers, ugh. Haha! He’ll be 13 in a couple of weeks, so no more photos, Mom. Please.
They both got winded from the walk because they’re not used to the distance. We’d walk to a field near out house but that’s only about 200 meters or so. As we were heading back, I pitied the dog because we left his water in the car. The big boy will survive because mom prioritized her iced coffee over H20. He can wait a bit and will benefit from the exercise. So I carried our beloved mongrel and they finally rehyrdrated and we went on home.
That excursion took about an hour but it was good enough for the heart and the soul. My son and I just hole up in the bedroom on a daily basis, playing with the dog and our gadgets. I know I should be a better influence but with this pandemic going on, my motivation is going down again. I guess it could be the start of depression but I’m not there yet. I will try to take the babies out again and more often. I will surely let you know our progress.
The Good Doctor
I’ve steered myself away from watching any television series nowadays. I stopped after The Big Bang Theory ended because them not going on to another season made me sad. I didn’t want to invest in TV shows anymore because they usually wouldn’t go on for as long as I wanted them to. Although, I did watch Lucifer because that was hilarious and a different take on the Devil and God. That was just something to entertain you, not to emotionally invest it. I mean, thanks to Netflix, binge watching has become easier, right?
Last July, the husband and I had a fight so we weren’t really talking to each other–or rather I didn’t talk to him. Haha! So, he was watching something on Netflix that I didn’t want to ask what. I assumed it was a movie and I would already go to bed and he’d still be at it, laughing. When we made up, he told me he was watching The Good Doctor and had me watch along with him. However, I was several episodes late so I decided to watch the first season on my own.
Netflix only has three seasons of the show and since we both finished that, I had to download the remaining season 4 and 5. I’m almost done with season 4 and the show is still interesting to me. I once wanted to be doctor when I was young (who didn’t?) until a cousin of mine took up nursing and practiced injecting on my sister. That put me off the medical profession for life because I have a very low pain threshold and practicing on real people seemed too much. Considering that my first hospital confinement was only when I gave birth, I am totally alienated from the medical field. Sure, getting annual physical examinations were necessary but you only needed to get your blood drawn and that particular needle isn’t all that scary. And if you had a good phlebotomist, you won’t even feel it at all. But this show put surgery in a new perspective.
I mean I also watched the first few seasons of Grey’s Anatomy but I was more focused on McDreamy, McSteamy and Meredith to be interested in the medical aspect of it. However, seeing Shaun Murphy, who is autistic and with a photographic memory deal with the ins and outs of life and being a surgeon made me focus on the the show as a whole. The integration of the cases and his personal life in every episode made watching it worthwhile.
It is interesting to note that there is something you can learn from TV. It obviously just depends on which crap you pick. Haha! Seriously though, watching The Good Doctor is not just to pass the time. It is also for those who aspire to be surgeons, for parents with children on the spectrum and for anyone who wishes to learn something new. It showcases human nature in different perspectives and helps us deal with others in a new light.
The Ex-Factor
As a Libra, I have always considered myself fair and just. I am, at times. But there are also moments in my life when I’ve held grudges for such a long time. I am not bitter, nor do I seek revenge. But I cannot find it in myself to forgive people who have hurt me and made me feel pain and hurt. As the title goes, this includes my exes. Haha!
I have had several long term relationships, including my first boyfriend and my baby’s father. If the latter hadn’t had an accident, I think we’d be together till now. Obviously, God had other plans and I have the hubby instead. My first boyfirend was the longest relationship I had-10 years. We had our moments but I was looking for someone mature enough to marry. We would have gotten married in 2007 or so, if I was stupid enough to hold on. But imagine that he was 3 years older than me and I still finished college ahead of him. He said he was going to be responsible if we got married, but not beforehand. So I broke it off. And guess where he is now? Incarcerated! I did make a wise choice then.
But there is an ex-boyfriend of mine who can’t get over me. He is now married and works overseas but still thinks we have a future in our twilight years. Haha! We are actually friends and I find him funny but I can never imagine myself getting back with him-ever! We were just together for about 6 months, prior to the baby daddy but it was a fun six months. He was only a year older than me and loved to go out and party. That was fine with me at that time, anyway. There was actually a time when we were drinking till 6 in the morning and I had to work at 8.
We still chat and he even gave me a bottle of perfume a few years ago. He has just arrived and is planning to give me another. I am not guilty of anything because for me, we are simply friends. I have no illussions of clandestinely meeting with him or whatever. A cup of coffee and talk is all there is. He is the one who is acting weird because his wife is jealous as hell. She knows I am her husband’s ex and she often says I’m pretty–prettier than her. Well, it’s true but I have no designs on him anymore. Chill, sis. Hahaha!
But he is not the ex I am holding a grudge on, but the one after the baby daddy and before the hubby. Now that is one person I am still trying in my heart to forgive. It’s been almost 8 years but deep in me is still anger and resentment. I don’t think of him often, though, but when I do, I do feel something. I know I should forgive him and let go. Still, a teeny part of me still wants an apology or payback. Either is fine and since I still don’t have it, I am seeting a bit. I will get over it in time and it hasn’t affected my life. Just once in a while, he crosses my mind and I’m reminded of it. Otherwise, all is well.
Dismayed
When you are in a relationship, it is not always smooth sailing. It won’t matter if the otherperson is your spouse, common law partner or significant other. You will always feel, at some point, feel anger, irritation, tiredness, dismay and sadness over what they have done or say.
My husband and I are opposites in most things. I am a stay home, introvert and lazy. Like I can spend the whole day inside the bedroom and not feel the need to go out at all. He, on the other hand, can never sit long enough and be indoors do nothing, he talks to everyone and hates being by his lonesome. But with our different personalities, we have enough similar tastes, likes and attitudes that make us work. I recognize his limitations and he does mine.
But there will always be times when his personality/ attitude will disappoint me because it is contrary to mine. Some days, I can take it, others I simply cannot or will not.
See, he is an only child. And me growing up with two siblings is one huge difference. Say for instance, food. Give him a bag of chips and he will finish them all by himself. If you want some, you can get but do not expect him to leave some for you. He does not know how to share food because he never had anyone to share it with. He expects that anything you give him is his alone. I, meanwhile, cannot consume a whole bag in one sitting. Also, if I am eating, it is my nature to share my bag with him.
That aspect, I have more or less gotten used to. When it comes to food, I make sure to buy food that he likes, cook meals that he likes. We usually have different breakfast food for example, because he is boring when it comes to choices. I am driven by cravings so I often mix it up.
Anyway, he went out to work this morning and came home at lunch. In his hand was two packs of peanut. So I asked him if the peanuts were for the both of us and if one was spicy for me. Instead, he said no. Both were regular peanuts because I could eat that but he couldn’t eat the spicy ones. I felt let down. Not because I wanted to eat peanuts at that particular moment but because when I would buy peanuts, I often got one pack for each of us. I respected the fact that he wouldn’t touch anything spicy. Then he goes on to say that it is not good to eat to much spicy food etc., if only to excuse himself from what he did.
That was the stem of my dismay. It may seem petty to some but it struck me in a way that my husband will never think the way I do and I will always feel sad about it. And that I will need to endure this because I married him. Haha! I am not sad about the peanuts but the fact that he would just consider his own preferences over mine. I mean, peanuts cost peanuts, for crying out loud. It wouldn’t render him bankrupt. He bought it for himself, really and not for me. He could share with me because I was there but if he were alone in the house, we both know he could consume both without any help.
So I’m writing this because I know I will forgive him. Because it is too small a thing to cause a fight, but is enough to hurt someone’s heart. I will get over this because I have to. And this is what life is about. It is not always about the good days, there will also be the bad, the mad and the sad. But I will press on and maybe, he will learn eventually or I will simply have to buy my own.
Selective Socialization
For this year, I have limited my circle to 3 groups: Family, gym friends and church friends. I no longer socialize outside of these groups, save for special and no-escape situations. It wasn’t a conscious thing but I eventually began to veer away from socializing and often just stayed home. I don’t have coffee dates or lunch dates or whatever activities I used to do and it seemed quite natural for me to do so.
I listed my gym friends because our gym circle has been so small, they have become my new buddies. Even when gyms are not allowed to operate at this time, we still message each other and keep in touch. We haven’t seen each other in over a month, though.The church friends is actually just our Pastor and his wife. And we met them this week to give our gift after not seeing them for about 4 months.So basically, I see people on social media and not in reality. Haha!
When we went to Bacolod, we didn’t meet with our friends there. I didn’t even pop to our office for a quick chat. I didn’t want to see people and talk with them, partly because of the virus and mostly because I have become anti-social.
Even the husband stays home with me longer than he used to. Before, he’d have breakfast and leave and I’d see him at dinner. Now he hardly goes out and usually just an hour or two. I guess I am contagious. But really, since I work from home, the only times I leave are for a grocery/market run and to pay bills. After that, I head on home to cook lunch, take my afternoon nap and exercise afterwards. (I often conclude work business in the mornings and afternoons are just answering emails and client calls)
Thus, I say selective socialization because I absolutely screen my schedule and often say no to invitations. Like most of the time, I refuse to leave the house and get stuff on account of my not wanting to go out late in the morning. I get by with the groceries I have, work around what I can cook and be content with it. And more often than not, my going out is forced by either my mother or my husband. They tell me I have to go somewhere with them because I absolutely have to. If I can get away with it, I will never go anywhere. Weird.
Out of Town
My last trip was March 12, 2020. I remember the date correctly because I was in Cebu with my mother and I was scared of the impending lockdown. Last July 14, 2021, the hubby and I went out of town to Bacolod for a business trip. I was both apprehensive and excited. While I would be away from the baby boy for several days after 16 months, part of me was already missing the action.
We arrived at the city around 2 in the afternoon and checked in the hotel. FYI, we were the only guests! Imagine that! Of course, the restaurant was closed but that wasn’t my concern. I had several on my list of food to eat in Bacolod and I absolutely ticked them all. Haha!
I don’t usually shop on trips because I am never a fan of expensive clothes and shoes or accessories. Especially now with the pandemic, there is no need to dress up. So I just window shopped and ate and ate. I did get a canvas tote for 100.00 (Philippine pesos) because we were in time for the mid-year sale. The husband rewarded himself with a motorcycle helmet and then we went home. I actually have several photos, most of them food and a few scenic views but my phone is charging. I’ll just post them in a separate entry next.
This trip taught me a few things though. One, traveling is almost back to normal. Two, life is better at home and three, traveling is good if you’re loaded. Anyhow, I got to eat the food I missed, worked a bit and saw good sights. All is well.
**Another reason why I haven’t posted sooner is because my laptop won’t charge and the son’s keyboard wasn’t working. But I will make it up. Promise!
Missing Motivation
Since last April when I had the COVID scare, I haven’t baked any new and decent recipes. The best I’ve come up with are my fudge brownies and a banana loaf. I’ve made a few batches of flour tortilla to pair with my hummus but that’s it.
This actually happens to me several times. The oven remains cold then I get the baking streak wherein I bake at all hours. I’m actually hoping to get that feeling again but it seems so hard to find. I’m trying to jumpstart it by making a sourdough starter but even that seems a failure. Haha!
And I think it goes for home cooking too. In the past two weeks, I haven’t done much food shopping because I wanted to finish all the food in the fridge. I haven’t had any vegetables because I didn’t go to the Farmer’s market. I am subsisting on breakfast food and takeaways and burgers are my go to meals at the moment. This is getting bad. Just today, instead of making lunch, I went to my mom’s house and ate. The husband had already his brunch and I was watching a movie. When it ended, I was too hungry to prepare my own food so I hightailed to a place I know already has a meal waiting for me.
**The reason why I don’t eat with the husband is because I don’t like the food he likes. His main fare is garlic fried rice, scrambled eggs and proteins like chicken, ham, sausages etc. I prefer plain rice or toast, sunny side up and proteins. And besides, I’m not used to eating early. We usually rise at about 8 am and I usually have something to eat by 10. That’s my brunch already and then I have coffee. He eats after he showers and leaves for work which is around 8:30 or 9am.**
The big problem is I don’t know how to overcome this. I’m actually attempting to make cinnamon rolls after this and I do hope I’ll make some. Ugh!
***Update***
Hunger can be a good motivator, as I’ve learned this afternoon. Haha! Finally made cinnamon rolls, half of the dough I made into rolls and made pasta with chorizo and salami. Carbs overload!
Neighbors
In my parents’ house, we have neighbors whom I haven’t seen since they moved in. You see, we live in an area that used to be for family only. Our house is in between my paternal grandmother’s house and her sister. The lot our abode stands in was owned by another of my grandma’s sister who lives out of the island. My parents bought it back in the 1980s because my father decided it was an ideal location for us.
In the back are two properties that belong to my grandma’s siblings, too. (It is normal for families then to have many children and my grandma had 4 sisters-including a set of twins, one brother and one half-sister.) The property that was beside our backyard got sold as payment for a debt that my aunt (dad’s cousin) incurred. So her brother and his family who lived there had to move and someone else built their own house. The new neighbors became friends with my mom because we shared a fence. They got to know them at the start but things soured because of that fence.
Anyway, the neighbor decided to rent out their house and in moved a young couple with a baby. I haven’t seen their faces ever since and last year during the start of the pandemic, I sort of got to know them better. I figured them for having Christian beliefs due to the services they play on Sundays, the worship music they sing to and the friends who come over and their activities. I can hear them through my bedroom because mine is situated in the back of the house, as well as in the kitchen.
When I’d be cooking or doing the dishes, the wife would be cooking, doing the laundry or doing stuff. She’d call her husband either Christian or Dad, the daughter is Ella. And she actually gave birth last August to a baby boy. Who knew she was expecting? Haha! This is why I am fascinated with them because I haven’t seen them at all. Now, Ella talks better and straight sentences compared to the lusty baby cries when they first arrived. I’ve seen their pickup truck and can identify their voices but cannot for the life of me describe how they look. I don’t even know their family name!
For me, it is weird not to be friends with neighbors but we’ve lived next to them for years so I guess it will remain so until they leave. I mean, I no longer live at home but whenever I come here (which is daily, haha!) I can still hear them, learn that their household help has not returned, hear their in-laws come over, listen to Ella’s temper tantrum and soon I guess, the baby boy will be walking and talking.
I will update this post once I’ve seen them. Promise.
Happiness
- Baby boy – I know my son is growing up and will soon be a teenager but for me, he will always be my baby.
- Hubby- I’m sorry honey. Please don’t tell him that he is second on my list!
- Family- My immediate family will always be in my top 3. (Unlike my son who thinks I am number four to his gadgets and dogs! Seriously?)
- Me time- I have relished work from home because it allows me to spend so much time by myself, in peace. I am happier away from people and have almost cut off myself from relationships because of this. Yet, to be perfectly honest, I am more content and not needing anything at all. I’m no sure if this is good or bad.
- Books- I have always loved to read and have been an avid reader since I was 9 years old. I haven’t stopped till now.
- Food and cooking- It may sound weird and most of my old friends have reacted because they know I didn’t cook. But now I find joy in the food I prepare and glow when people complement the good taste of my labors. I used to just enjoy eating now the process of creating food has got me hooked.
- Beach- Living in a tropical country, the beach is always within reach. I can see it daily and beautiful view does not fail to soothe me. But what I love most is sleeping near the beach and hearing the waves crash to the shore. Heaven!
- Coffee- I used to be a huge coffee drinker but now I even tolerate decaf. Haha! I am no longer such a snob but I will never, ever resist a good brew.
- Bread- I loooooovveee bread! I would live without rice but not bread-especially the freshly baked ones. Ugh!
- Friends- I think that friends add to your life. I don’t have a lot of friends right now and that is by choice. But the ones I do have, I’m grateful for. I have limited my circle but I am content with those in there. They are an eclectic mix of personalities and I am at home with each one of them.
**I did not include God in my happiness because He is my joy. He keeps me grounded, less anxious and peaceful even when my job is stressing me out. Everything else in my life right now is going well but work is keeping me on my toes. Nevertheless, I am confident I will make it because I know He’s got my back.
I pray you will also have someone or something to believe in. It makes for a happier life and you will always be secure in the knowledge that a plan has been laid out for your life. All you have to do is enjoy the ride!
Mole on my Foot 