As a Libra, I have always considered myself fair and just. I am, at times. But there are also moments in my life when I’ve held grudges for such a long time. I am not bitter, nor do I seek revenge. But I cannot find it in myself to forgive people who have hurt me and made me feel pain and hurt. As the title goes, this includes my exes. Haha!
I have had several long term relationships, including my first boyfriend and my baby’s father. If the latter hadn’t had an accident, I think we’d be together till now. Obviously, God had other plans and I have the hubby instead. My first boyfirend was the longest relationship I had-10 years. We had our moments but I was looking for someone mature enough to marry. We would have gotten married in 2007 or so, if I was stupid enough to hold on. But imagine that he was 3 years older than me and I still finished college ahead of him. He said he was going to be responsible if we got married, but not beforehand. So I broke it off. And guess where he is now? Incarcerated! I did make a wise choice then.
But there is an ex-boyfriend of mine who can’t get over me. He is now married and works overseas but still thinks we have a future in our twilight years. Haha! We are actually friends and I find him funny but I can never imagine myself getting back with him-ever! We were just together for about 6 months, prior to the baby daddy but it was a fun six months. He was only a year older than me and loved to go out and party. That was fine with me at that time, anyway. There was actually a time when we were drinking till 6 in the morning and I had to work at 8.
We still chat and he even gave me a bottle of perfume a few years ago. He has just arrived and is planning to give me another. I am not guilty of anything because for me, we are simply friends. I have no illussions of clandestinely meeting with him or whatever. A cup of coffee and talk is all there is. He is the one who is acting weird because his wife is jealous as hell. She knows I am her husband’s ex and she often says I’m pretty–prettier than her. Well, it’s true but I have no designs on him anymore. Chill, sis. Hahaha!
But he is not the ex I am holding a grudge on, but the one after the baby daddy and before the hubby. Now that is one person I am still trying in my heart to forgive. It’s been almost 8 years but deep in me is still anger and resentment. I don’t think of him often, though, but when I do, I do feel something. I know I should forgive him and let go. Still, a teeny part of me still wants an apology or payback. Either is fine and since I still don’t have it, I am seeting a bit. I will get over it in time and it hasn’t affected my life. Just once in a while, he crosses my mind and I’m reminded of it. Otherwise, all is well.
Mole on my Foot 