Dismayed

When you are in a relationship, it is not always smooth sailing. It won’t matter if the otherperson is your spouse, common law partner or significant other. You will always feel, at some point, feel anger, irritation, tiredness, dismay and sadness over what they have done or say.

My husband and I are opposites in most things. I am a stay home, introvert and lazy. Like I can spend the whole day inside the bedroom and not feel the need to go out at all. He, on the other hand, can never sit long enough and be indoors do nothing, he talks to everyone and hates being by his lonesome. But with our different personalities, we have enough similar tastes, likes and attitudes that make us work. I recognize his limitations and he does mine.

But there will always be times when his personality/ attitude will disappoint me because it is contrary to mine. Some days, I can take it, others I simply cannot or will not.

See, he is an only child. And me growing up with two siblings is one huge difference. Say for instance, food. Give him a bag of chips and he will finish them all by himself. If you want some, you can get but do not expect him to leave some for you. He does not know how to share food because he never had anyone to share it with. He expects that anything you give him is his alone. I, meanwhile, cannot consume a whole bag in one sitting. Also, if I am eating, it is my nature to share my bag with him.

That aspect, I have more or less gotten used to. When it comes to food, I make sure to buy food that he likes, cook meals that he likes. We usually have different breakfast food for example, because he is boring when it comes to choices. I am driven by cravings so I often mix it up.

Anyway, he went out to work this morning and came home at lunch. In his hand was two packs of peanut. So I asked him if the peanuts were for the both of us and if one was spicy for me. Instead, he said no. Both were regular peanuts because I could eat that but he couldn’t eat the spicy ones. I felt let down. Not because I wanted to eat peanuts at that particular moment but because when I would buy peanuts, I often got one pack for each of us. I respected the fact that he wouldn’t touch anything spicy. Then he goes on to say that it is not good to eat to much spicy food etc., if only to excuse himself from what he did.

That was the stem of my dismay. It may seem petty to some but it struck me in a way that my husband will never think the way I do and I will always feel sad about it. And that I will need to endure this because I married him. Haha! I am not sad about the peanuts but the fact that he would just consider his own preferences over mine. I mean, peanuts cost peanuts, for crying out loud. It wouldn’t render him bankrupt. He bought it for himself, really and not for me. He could share with me because I was there but if he were alone in the house, we both know he could consume both without any help.

So I’m writing this because I know I will forgive him. Because it is too small a thing to cause a fight, but is enough to hurt someone’s heart. I will get over this because I have to. And this is what life is about. It is not always about the good days, there will also be the bad, the mad and the sad. But I will press on and maybe, he will learn eventually or I will simply have to buy my own.